Miscellany and detritus, from the writer of Is This Mutton?com

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Stay off the screen, 80s heart throbs

I know there's a big trend at the moment for bands from the 80s to go on tour and make big profits. But it's one trend I'm keen to avoid. I inadvertently recorded a programme about the 80s which I thought was going to be more of a tribute with some history and old footage. I should have thought twice when I saw that shrieky old Denise Van Outen was presenting it. Instead, it was lots of formerly great acts from the 80s belting out their hits, but now in their 40s and 50s.

Yeuch!

The sad fact was, none of them had been botox'd, dermabrasioned, "filled" or anything else. So there they were, a horrible reminder of the ageing process and one's own mortality.

Glenn Gregory from Heaven 17, now presumably bald (wearing a cap) with a ferocious set of unnaturally white teeth. Nick Kershaw - bald - and unrecognisable except that the song sounded exactly the same. That Limahl from Kajagoogoo, tragically wearing the same dyed coxscomb and kids' clothes. Paul Young, not ageing too badly but a horrendous shade of orange. And Nick Heywood with a creepy beard and sad looking bleary eyes.

I said it before when Spandau Ballet reunited. Don't do it guys! Trouble is, there's plainly cash to be made from these reunion tours and plainly enough old fogies to turn out and relive their youth. Not for me. I don't mind listening to the gloriously naff old songs on my iPod, but I wouldn't be seen dead doing a staid little jig to the middle-aged groovers now. I prefer to remember them - and me - in my heyday, when Maddie Grigg and I used to polish off a bottle of Concord wine and then go on the bus down to the Cooperage and knock them all dead, dancing to Heaven 17 and ABC.
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