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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Random thoughts: Kelly Brook, Madonna, The Restaurant

Yesterday: Chingford to Swindon and return, total 5 hours. Dentressangle:0, Bailey's equine horse feeds 0, Wilkinson's, 0 (maybe I wasn't looking hard enough).

Random thoughts a-plenty.

Kelly Brook was on one of the news bulletins having opened in her first west end play, Fat Pig. Now Kelly is a ravishing girl, invariably referred to as "curvy Kelly" in the magazines. But she always strikes me as a girl in search of a talent. Goodness knows she tries hard enough. There's been TV presenting, but she only ever comes across as wooden. I caught a glimpse of her in "Dirty Dancing - Time of their Lives" the other day and was appalled when she referred to two candidates as "them two." Whaaaat!

I saw her in a film where she was some Italian countess or some old nonsense, and again, she gave Westonbirt Arboretum a run for its money.

I haven't seen any reviews of her new role yet but seeing as she wears a bikini on stage, I doubt if her acting ability will matter very much.

She has an old-style glamour about her, reminscent of Sophia Loren, but as soon as she opens her mouth it all goes wrong. She has one of those ordinary twittery little girl voices and keeps saying "and um," and giggling. If I was you Kelly, I would have some voice coaching. And keep up with the acting lessons.

Dear Madonna
I'm sure you're pretty fed up with Guy but it would be nice for Lourdes and the gang if you and he didn't have an acrimonious public divorce. I see that you have both hired top-flight "name" divorce lawyers. I see that you're both saying you want a civilised divorce and yet you're both deploying the unsavoury tactic of getting friends and insiders to do your carping in the press. I know you savour control, Madonna, but try to be big about this. If Guy's "insiders" spill the beans, you don't have to respond. Be dignified. For all our sakes.

I very much enjoyed BBC2's The Restaurant last year and was enthusiastic when the new series started recently. But it should really have been a one-off. Monsieur Blanc is too big for his boots this year. He's choosing candidates purely on whether or not they will dance to his tune and nothing to do with their business capabilities. What put the tin hat on it for me was last week's dismissal of Helen and Stephen. Their marketing concept was the best. I could see that "Conquering Cabbage" would be a PR winner in these times of obese children and too much fast food. Maybe the execution was flawed. But it was far superior to the bland, minimalist book put together by those useless boys James and Alasdair.

Because James was a chef and can clearly cook, and is also suitably subservient, Blanc has kept him in the contest, even though he and his business partner Alasdair have been completely clueless in all respects.

Helen on the other hand, while only an average cook, showed that her food for families concept works. Her restaurant was always packed. But because she's too "controlling," as Raymond sneered, she was booted out. Yet in the previous week, she rose to the challenge of cooking for a private dinner party and did very well, whereas James and Alasdair left everything to the last minute and only narrowly averted disaster. I've lost a lot of interest - and respect - for the show now.

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