Let's hear it for the ridiculous trio: Hurley, Posh & Moss

The three women I consider to be the most ridiculous in Britain have been much in the news this week, as always for nothing more than posturing or bragging.

Let's start with Hurley, possibly the most ridiculous of the three. She's actually a successful businesswoman, selling swimwear, after being a failed actress, but even though she's now in her 40s, she's still trying to get column inches for her looks. Her wedding, we are told, will take place in March. And not just one ceremony. Oh no, she has to do this in both England and India, and will need, gasp - no fewer than 12 outfits for the UK event!

It strikes me poor old Hurley is hurtling towards Baby Jane syndrome, where she ages over time but still tries to look the same. Is she defined only by her looks and her ability, as she put it, to fit into tiny clothes? Why does she have to splurge on this monstrous wedding (or perhaps it's free of charge courtesy of Hello magazine, provided other celebs turn up).

She's no arbiter of style or taste; she's been wearing white jeans for the last 12 years! And her evening dresses are so boring, always cut to the thigh and showing her neat little bosom. Yawn. Put it all away darling and concentrate on making millions. We'd respect you more.

Then there's Ms Beckham. Her marriage is in trouble again, apparently (Grazia). Her new book, The Extra Half an Inch, has shot into the book chart at number 10. Yet extracts are fairly laughable. This cossetted and pampered princess, who always looks glum despite her lux lifestyle, tries to convince us that she's just an ordinary Essex gel looking for bargains.

Well, she still comes across as an ordinary Essex gel even though she spends thousands pulling together a look: the right shoes, handbag, jewellery, etc. It's all too contrived, too much of an effort. Lighten up love and look less false. The hairstyle was a good move. Now get rid of the perma tan and fake nails.

Meanwhile, someone who does dress effortlessly is Kate Moss. Sometimes she can look stunning. But she also gets into a rut: the skinny jeans and waistcoats this summer got a trifle boring. My main beef with Moss is that she's revered as some sort of icon, whereas she's a terrible role model for the young. I remember a shoot for Vogue several years ago. Her nails were filthy and she had that gaunt, emaciated look that promptly became lauded as "heroin chic." Since then we've had the drug addiction and the ridiculous charade of the lost contracts which were miraculously restored a few months later; the ridiculous boyfriend and threatened marriage (which we can all see will end in tears in about 18 months time), and the arrogant posturing and trashing of properties (rented cottage in the Cotswolds).

Lately, Moss has been showing signs of wear and tear. It was inevitable that her lifestyle would catch up with her. Spending thousands on spa treatments won't repair the damage done by smoking, drinking and drug-taking.

When has Moss done anything good? At least Hurley is visible supporting breast cancer. Beckham self consciously told a TV programme about her and Day-vid" that they have their own children's charity, but they hadn't told anyone about it (until that programme). Moss just comes across as a hedonistic, selfish slattern, precisely why she is lauded by the Grazias of the world. But it will look less cool the older she gets. My advice: adopt the Gillian McKeith regime and take up a charity (but don't adopt any African children).