A life spent dieting

It's sad but true. Looking at my online calorie counting guru, Nutracheck, and idly pinging up random data, I found that I first used the site in 2006. For the last five years, the depressing yoyo pattern presents itself: January: start diet to lose half a stone in time for June holiday. June: succeed (phew). September: weight going up. December: oh no....! And this year it was worse, a whole stone to lose, and currently slow progress, barely a pound a week, despite keeping rigidly to the calorie count, exercising and imbibing cidar vinegar in water.

Kim Cattrall recently said she is permanently on a diet, but at least with Kim you can see the visible results of that Herculean struggle. Like most women I am constantly trying to cast off a stone, or half a stone. I guess I'm lucky in that when I was young, children weren't under pressure to diet like they are today. I was a thin child but as a teenager I was a size 14  (US 10) and conscious that I couldn't wear certain clothes. It didn't cause me any angst until the night of the leaving school party, when a teacher and someone else made a reference to my weight, which caused me to storm off early and start my first diet.

I already knew all about dieting because my mother was always on one. In those days, diets were Limmits or Bisk meal replacement biscuits, that looked a bit like Chappie dog biscuits; PLJ, a very sharp lemon drink, and Ayds, squares of toffee that were supposed to have magical weight loss powers. She also bought Slimming Magazine which I would pore over, becoming very knowledgeable at a young age about calories, metabolism and the wisdom of Professor John Yudkin.

I remember that I ate a lot of sild on toast in that first diet, and that I very quickly lost half a stone. My friends came to meet me to go to Wood's (the nightclub de jour) and gasped when they saw my reveal. I suddenly had a waist, which I had proudly cinched in with a wide pink belt. 

Over the years I have tried many diets. The F Plan, with that sawdust-like "fibre filler", pease pudding and Granny Ann biscuits. Atkin's, which left me revolted after six weeks of meat, cream, sugar free jelly and no fruit and veg. South Beach. Perricone. More recently, Dukan, which is like Atkins but with a little fruit and veg, and the "Spent Diet," for the exhausted, which had such an overwhelming list of must buy's, none of it readily available, that a person would feel even more exhausted.

And of course, the only thing that works is eating less and exercising more, whether you do it with low carbs, high protein, low GI, Weightwatchers or calorie counting.

I finally cracked it in 2004 when I lost two and a half stone and got to a UK size 12  (US eight) which is where I am happiest. Since then, I have largely kept it off, but foolishly allowed a few too many pounds to creep up after the wedding last year, so now I am battling with a stone. Two pounds off this week, hurrah!

It's depressing how it has become our way of life. For me, I wake up happy when I am dieting. There's no guilt, unlike when I eat the "bad" things I love, like cheese, quiche, crisps or Scotch eggs. But I dread going into restaurants lest I am tempted, as the prospect of fish with vegetables is never very appealing. Today was a good day. A pub lunch, but my king prawn salad turned out to be a very low calorie option (no dressing) and so I had enough calories in the bank to savour some "real" food this evening. What are your dieting stories? Can anyone honestly say they have never dieted?

I don't care if Cheryl Cole endorses it, it's nonsense

Like most of us, I've fallen prey to the odd diet book in my time. Yes, always hoping that the latest book is going to give me all the foods I like combined with a sure fire way of losing weight. Without too much deprivation.

Over the years I have feasted (perhaps that's a little too strong a word in this context) on diet books including:
- The F Plan: remember that dreadful fibre filler you had to make every day? It was like eating sawdust. And pease pottage (not the service station) and Granny Ann biscuits, which probably made pemmican look tempting;
- Dr Perricone's Facelift in the Fridge (or something similar) which revolves around eating vast quantities of salmon, porridge, blueberries and turkey. I liked this diet for a while but now I can never face salmon;
- Atkins: oh yuk, the idea of all that meat and no vegetables or fruit! It's a sure fire recipe for standstill of the intestine.

The latest one that befell me is "Eat right for your blood type," which has the cover endorsement "I believe in it 100%", Cheryl Cole.

I was hoping that as a blood group O, there would be plenty of meat and seafood for me to hunt down.  The book is big on cave man metaphors. But the bad news is that I am not supposed to eat any wheat, ever; hardly any dairy (including eggs), no blackberries and no lentils, soya beans or anything remotely pickled. That's just for starters. Now if I really fancy a slice of bread, I am told to go for "essene bread."

Having never heard of it I googled it and found it's some strange raw bread made from sprouting wheat, which you leave out in the sun all day to "cook."  Here's a  a recipe: http://debbietookrawforlife.blogspot.com/2008/04/wheat-part-ii-how-to-make-essene-bread.html

A day's menu for weight loss looks like this: breakfast - slice of essene bread (toasted: is that possible? Does it ever achieve the form needed to go into a toaster?) with low sugar fruit spread (but not jam); lunch - organic roast beef, 2- 4 oz, with nothing else; dinner - steamed artichoke with lemon juice. Plus a couple of snacks of sliced carrots, celery sticks and two rice cakes with a dribble of maple syrup.

I can see how Cheryl stays so slim on a diet like this! It even manages to make the F Plan look tasty. I didn't read all the pseudo science that goes with it because for starters, an O like me is supposed to be a martyr to my stomach and victim of food intolerances. Nonsense: I am not intolerant of anything, food-wise, and have no allergies or inflammation. Nor have I ever suffered from eczema, diabetes, heart burn, indigestion, trench foot, etc etc.

This is one diet book that is now going back on Amazon. Anyone want to make an offer?