I don't care if Cheryl Cole endorses it, it's nonsense

Like most of us, I've fallen prey to the odd diet book in my time. Yes, always hoping that the latest book is going to give me all the foods I like combined with a sure fire way of losing weight. Without too much deprivation.

Over the years I have feasted (perhaps that's a little too strong a word in this context) on diet books including:
- The F Plan: remember that dreadful fibre filler you had to make every day? It was like eating sawdust. And pease pottage (not the service station) and Granny Ann biscuits, which probably made pemmican look tempting;
- Dr Perricone's Facelift in the Fridge (or something similar) which revolves around eating vast quantities of salmon, porridge, blueberries and turkey. I liked this diet for a while but now I can never face salmon;
- Atkins: oh yuk, the idea of all that meat and no vegetables or fruit! It's a sure fire recipe for standstill of the intestine.

The latest one that befell me is "Eat right for your blood type," which has the cover endorsement "I believe in it 100%", Cheryl Cole.

I was hoping that as a blood group O, there would be plenty of meat and seafood for me to hunt down.  The book is big on cave man metaphors. But the bad news is that I am not supposed to eat any wheat, ever; hardly any dairy (including eggs), no blackberries and no lentils, soya beans or anything remotely pickled. That's just for starters. Now if I really fancy a slice of bread, I am told to go for "essene bread."

Having never heard of it I googled it and found it's some strange raw bread made from sprouting wheat, which you leave out in the sun all day to "cook."  Here's a  a recipe: http://debbietookrawforlife.blogspot.com/2008/04/wheat-part-ii-how-to-make-essene-bread.html

A day's menu for weight loss looks like this: breakfast - slice of essene bread (toasted: is that possible? Does it ever achieve the form needed to go into a toaster?) with low sugar fruit spread (but not jam); lunch - organic roast beef, 2- 4 oz, with nothing else; dinner - steamed artichoke with lemon juice. Plus a couple of snacks of sliced carrots, celery sticks and two rice cakes with a dribble of maple syrup.

I can see how Cheryl stays so slim on a diet like this! It even manages to make the F Plan look tasty. I didn't read all the pseudo science that goes with it because for starters, an O like me is supposed to be a martyr to my stomach and victim of food intolerances. Nonsense: I am not intolerant of anything, food-wise, and have no allergies or inflammation. Nor have I ever suffered from eczema, diabetes, heart burn, indigestion, trench foot, etc etc.

This is one diet book that is now going back on Amazon. Anyone want to make an offer?

Grazia leaves the building

Those of you who have read my ramblings since 2006 will know that I love magazines.  The current roster consists of three subscriptions plus a weekly and a minimum of five monthlies bought in the shop.

One subscription that is ending right now is Grazia.

When I first started reading it, I was impressed with how it managed to cross the age divide. It seemed fresh and different.

But the constant emphasis on Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston and Cheryl Cole, is getting me down. Every story about Angelina is either "fresh signs the marriage is breaking up" or "friends' alarm at how thin she is getting". I do wonder about the sources they use. I'm sure sometimes it's just the guy who cleans the pool.

For Jennifer they go along with her PR charades and subject us to "New love for Jennifer!" followed a week later by "Heartbreak for Jen." In fact Jennifer is simply promoting her new films by appearing loved-up with her co-star, and maybe going on holiday with him, and then it's all over after the flash guns have popped. Both stars pocket some cash and the film gets a boost. Get it Grazia?

Then there's the fashion. Now this isn't Grazia's fault, but the Groundhog Day nature of fashion is also depressing. This week Grazia showed us the autumn styles, and guess what? In a nutshell, Star Trek trousers, hiking boots, lace dresses, kilts and the midi. I hoped the midi had died a death never to return. It flatters hardly anyone and if you're older than 30, looks matronly and middle-aged.

As fashion is never new it's a shame we never go further back in time and have a fully blown 40's, 20's or even 18th century revival. If that happens, then I may start buying Grazia again. But at the moment, I'm all Jolied out and I won't be beating a path to Top Shop to look like Mr Sulu.