Celebrities and dirty laundry on Twitter: why?

My mum asked a question that stumped me. I was telling her about the spat that Christine Bleakley had with her footballer fiance's ex fiancee, and she said: "why do celebrities divulge so much in public on Twitter?"

Why indeed?

It may only have been a half-hearted argument, but Bleakley's response spoke volumes about how she and smug Frank Lampard regard Elen Rivas, the mother of his two daughters.

Apparently Elen had tweeted about her frustration when, on holiday in India over Christmas, she rang the Lampard abode to speak to her daughters, Frank and Christine having custody of them for the holiday period.

When she couldn't speak to them she then vented her frustration on Twitter, saying she would have expected "the girlfriend" to be a bit more understanding.

"The girlfriend" - former golden girl TV presenter Bleakley, who was recently sacked from Daybreak, responded with the ultimate in sanctimonious tweets - something about not debating in public "where children are involved."

But she then preceded to retweet several supportive and aghast messages from her friends. One of them said "is she up to her old tricks?" which suggested that Elen's behaviour has been a topic for discussion for Bleakley and her pals.

It the transpired, from the Bleakley camp, that Elen had rung in the middle of the night UK-time. The inference was she was too stupid to realise. Well, we can't all be members of Mensa  (smug Frank, the oxymoron "brainy footballer").

I personally felt myself sympathising for Elen. Not only did she have a lonely Christmas without her kids., she had to put up with retweets from the Bleakley Supporters' Club when a bit of dignity (or silence) might have been better.

Another grieving ex on holiday alone over Christmas was Demi Moore. Her marriage, and its demise, was lived on Twitter. The end of the Russell Brand / Katy Perry marriage was also played out on Twitter for our delectation.

I do wonder why. Aren't the paraparazzi and the hacked phones enough to keep a celebrity in the public eye, without having to wash their own dirty linen?

All I expect from a celebrity on Twitter are slices of wit or insight. Not boring tweets about the mundanities of life  (we do that ourselves) and not undignified rants or fallings out.

The trouble with Ross & Brand

I've always found Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand individually very talented and amusing. They're probably not very bothered about the current furore about their lewd phone calls on Radio 2 to the elderly and much loved actor Andrew Sachs. I imagine that Brand in particular is enjoying the notoriety. He thrives on it. Remember his recent comments in the US, where an unknown Brand said the President was a moron?

The problem with Ross & Brand is that the BBC is really too restrictive for them. It's hardly edgy, is it, and they both like to challenge to see how far they can go. Ross is pushing 50 and is well aware that his fate is be the next Terry Wogan. He's probably feeling a bit threatened by Brand. Brand on the other hand is a Walter Mitty, a fantasist, whose arrogant claims about women are partially justified I imagine - any old wannabe slapper from Big Brother will probably sleep with him - but he looked a bit foolish the other day when it turned out he hadn't had his wicked way with Rod Stewart's daughter, despite telling the singer he had. It's all bluster. He's one of those men who may end up being a serial womanizer because he loves the thrill and the capture but can't do the cosy intimacy. No woman could be suitably adoring 24/7.

The wishy wishy Tristans of the BBC will now be climbing the walls having been giving a kicking by the Prime Minister and 10,000 Disgusteds of Tunbridge Wells. And the outcome will probably be that a producer will get sacked. Oh I think it very unlikely they would actually punish the highly paid Ross or the very much up-and-coming Brand.

My advice to the two gents would be that they do a Jim Davidson (they share many traits with him) and go out live on the road. They can be as lewd as they like. They may fall flat on their faces of course, but at least it will stretch and challenge them.

The Hall Marks - a new type of award!

You may have heard of the Blackwell awards where some unknown American lambasts celebrities for their frock horrors each year.

Well, I'm now launching the Hall Mark Awards, a list of people I find interesting - and a list of people I would avoid like the plague.

I can see this becoming a big property on Living TV and I'm quite happy to be styled and loaned some rocks and Manolos.

So without further ado, here is my list of The Most Interesting. I wouldn't invite them to a dinner party at the same time because there would be too much competitive preening and bitching. But on a one-to-one basis, I'd quite happily share my picnic with any of these.
In no particular order:

1) Carol McGiffin: the mouthy one on Loose Women and ex-wife of Chris Evans (see entry 9). We seem to share the same robust views on a number of topics and both belong to the "get a grip" school of, well, getting a grip.
2) Jane McDonald: hmmm there's a Loose Women thread developing here. And do you know, I am actually seeing Lady Jane in Torquay soon with my mum! Love her deadpan northern humour.
3) Sarah and Gordon Brown: I would much prefer to have dinner with the Browns than dinner with the Camerons (see my Really Boring List). I imagine dinner would be simple and unpretentious, Gordon is probably very erudite and well read, and they wouldn't subject their guests to a lot of emperor's new clothes type nonsense.
4) Russell Brand: to start with, I thought he was a mouthy big haired loon, but I now "get" him. Love his word play and cruel personality.
5) AA Gill (Sunday Times critic). Another one with an interesting way with words. His nemesis Giles Coren is on my other list.

6) Jerry Hall: a woman ageing gracefully without using botox or other nasties.
7) Dame Vivienne Westwood: complete class act and as mad as a hatter.
8) Dame Helen Mirren (a dame thread is now developing). For showing what a 62 year old can look like, without making us feel bad about it (see other list entry #10, Madonna).
9) Chris Evans: I didn't use to like him but I get so affronted when he's on holiday and we're lumbered with Richard what's his name (Allison?) that I won't listen.
10) Cynthia Nixon: my favourite from Sex & The City.

The Hall Mark List of Really Boring Tedious People
1) The Camerons: achingly "trendy" Boden clad smoothies who no doubtdrone on about the provenance of their food, which schools are the best, which cars are the most fuel efficient and how they're listening to the Ting Tings (when really they're listening to Shirley Bassey).
2) Gordon Ramsay: so over!
3) Sienna Miller: file under "slapper"
4) June Sarpong: smug

5) Mylene Klass: smug and ubiquitous. Someone stop her from appearing in everything on TV! Fully expecting to see her looming up in Strictly Come Dancing and Countdown.
6) Kate Spicer: hang dog looking journalist and alpha woman, always moaning on about eating disorders and hating fat people (needs to see a shrink if you ask me)

7) Giles Coren: as we saw from "Super size", the man has had a personality bypass. All he seemed to do was frantically chew whatever it was he was given, testicles etc.
8) Jennifer Aniston: needy.
9) Angelina Jolie: pious and smug.
10 Madonna: I admire her for showing that 50 year old women do not become invisible. But she's so controlling and disciplined I long for the couch just thinking about her.