Strictly: the story so far

After two shows in the new season, everyone has danced and we've had the usual handful of strategic injuries  (eg Denise Van Outen with "whiplash" yet still managing cart wheels and a stunning jive); a new judge with an irritating habit, and Tess wearing dresses that lead everyone to ask if she is pregnant.

Yes, Strictly Come Dancing is back and the formula is the same:  someone from a boy band, someone from a girl band, someone from EastEnders, someone from ITV, a  low league filmstar, etc.

Gratifyingly it is beating X Factor by around a million viewers. I'm surprised people still watch X Factor, given that it's such a cynical exercise in making money. The phone lines open before anyone has even performed, and the judges are told who to put through.

Anyway. Aside from that. My views on #SCD and in particular:

1) The return of the dance-off
Bad news! It means that judges can cling on to their favourites when quite rightly the public have decided they should go.  I'm thinking that this time it might mean that Denise Van Outen gets a ticket for the final when most of us are incensed that she's in the show in the first place. As her jive showed, she's virtually at professional standard.  She can argue all she likes that she hasn't had Latin and ballroom experience, but when you're a natural dancer, and you've danced in two musicals, it's irrelevant.She will pick up new steps much faster than someone like Victoria Pendleton or the ousted Johnny Ball who haven't had stage school training or West End stage experience.

2) Darcey Bussell
The new judge brings some more technical expertise to the panel, even though it seems to be limited to contestants' arm placement and finger finishing. But she has a really irritating habit of saying "yah?" at the end of the most sentences. She reduced this in the latest show, but there was some yah leakage.

3) Judges with favourites
It's very obvious this time who's a favourite with the judges. They were very harsh on Colin Salmon, Kimberley Walsh and the bloke from Westlife.  But they're disproportionately kind and effusive with Van Outen, Dani Harmer, Victoria Pendleton and Fern Britton. Victoria deserves some support: she's never danced before and she doesn't have much confidence. But judges need to remember the word BALANCE.

Tess in one of last year's dresses

4) Tess's dresses
Last year Tess wore a succession of dresses with one shoulder and a side split. This year she is sporting tight satin numbers. Last week's white dress was cheap looking; this week my mum was asking if Tess was pregnant, so uncompromising is the tightness of the satin. We need to notice the Tess and not the dresss. At the moment it's the other way round. On the subject of Tess, the animosity between her and Sir Bruce is all too apparent. I think Tess is fed up with being his Anthea Redfern foil. She's totally different when presenting with Claudia. Bruce has upped his game this time. I've sniggered at a couple of his terrible jokes, and I laughed when he rushed over to kiss Craig after James and Van Outen.

5) My favourites

Colin Salmon

Like Brucie, I have my favourites. Colin Salmon is gorgeous, smooth, silky voiced. Sid from EastEnders is much better than anyone expected and fun. Lisa Riley is lovely and I'm so glad she made a stand about not wanting to be the comedy turn because she's a larger lady. My fear is that as we get near to the final, if she's in dance off with Van Outen, the judges will probably put Van Outen through, even though the public will vote in droves for Lisa.

I'm taken by the cricketer too, Michael Vaughan. He comes across very well. Kimberley Walsh looks beautiful and not irritating, unlike some of her other Girls Aloud colleagues  (Sarah Harding, Cheryl "Chav" Cole).

6) Get Them Out
The one dancer I hope to see the back of quite quickly is Fern Britton, for reasons you can read here.
I wasn't surprised to read in a gossip rag that she's unpopular with the other contestants because of her bitchy remarks.

I'm not very keen on Louis Smith either. There's a bit of petulance there, don't you think?

And I'm thinking that Anton du Buerk is well past his sell-by date.  His celebrities do badly because his choreography is terrible. Plus he doesn't boss them around enough. Jerry Hall is more than capable of dancing properly, from what we've seen, but she's lazy and Anton has given in to her. Let's have some new British dance talent next year.

Strictly Come Dancing:The voting has gone to pot

Erin Boag was aghast on  Twitter and so was I. Scott Maslen's zombie-like performance, complete with errors, managed to score some nines from the judges. Er, hello? Surely that's like saying "ok Ann, you did all the steps - albeit badly - so let's give you nine points for trying."

I've never seen such a blatant case of favourtism. Compare that to the reception given to Matt Baker's superb dream sequence with the ghostly and ethereal Aliona Vilani. Struggling to find fault, the judges criticised his facial expressions.I couldn't understand, and nor could many on Twitter, why he didn't score any tens.

Frankly if Scott is struggling to manage SCD with EastEnders, then he shouldn't have taken on both. I'm getting tired of the constant references to his exhaustion. Get over it or get out.

I was hoping the petulant Gavin would be shown the door last night but instead Patsy went. And she had been expecting to go right from the start. Gavin seems in constant denial. After telling us all how he hated the jive,  and then performing it as if he hated it, he then accused the judges of under-scoring it. He wasn't sitting where we were. Craig was quite right when he said Gavin was now challenging Ann Widdecombe.

Ann has clearly nailed her colours to the mast (the Titanic's) by saying she intends to make it to the final, and win. Poor Anton is in two minds now. He's always wanted to claim the glitter ball, but with Widdy?

Lest we all think the lady is a soft cuddly marshmallow granny, let me remind you that she denies climate change, opposes abortion, women priests and equal rights for homosexuals.

I'm hoping the final will feature Matt and the divine Pamela, and no doubt Widdy will be there as well. It is, a psychologist opined this week, the public getting their own back at stuffy judges.

Ricky Whittle by a whisker

Normally by now I would have predicted the outcome for the Strictly Come Dancing final tonight. But, dear reader, I am torn. On the one hand, the fact that Chris Hollins has such huge public support makes it seem certain he will win. But on the other, as Len said last week, the British public has a strong sense of justice so maybe Ricky will triumph.

It's amazing that Chris has never been in the dance-off. He epitomises the show's demographic to me. He's a personable BBC sports presenter and I can imagine all the middle-aged and elderly old dears voting for him. Ricky, from Hollyoaks, probably doesn't have many fans watching the show. They were watching the freak show on the other side. I don't expect many of them to be glued to the dancing tonight, even though the freak show has finished.

If I'm going to put my neck out, I'll say that Ricky will win, by a whisker. I will no doubt be voting for Chris, however, as will Anonymous (although we haven't conferred on the subject.) This will drive J mad. Last week he told me to vote for Ricky on his behalf while he was out of the room, but I didn't.

As for this series, well, I've written enough about what a disappointment it's been. My suggestion to the producers for the next series: dump Anton du Beke! Are we the only ones who find his inane comments irritating? He's often tipped to the Bruce's successor as host of the show, but I think the producers should look at someone else, namely James Jordan. In Claudia's show he's demonstrated a natural talent for presenting. In fact he and Ola (pictured) have been the stars of this series. Go the Jordans!

Nothing left but the dancing

My reunion chums Reg Skoda and Maddie Grigg have done such a good job recounting Saturday's reunion that I fear I have just the dregs left. A good time was had by all, even though it did finish way past my bed time. I even got a new profile picture out of the gig (thanks Marge!) which replaces its predecessor, dating from Rhodes June 2007, of which it was said: "Goodness Gail, that picture must be pretty old!" (Thanks Zahid.)

The only thing left for me to write about is selected highlights from my visit to Plymouth including a) Christmas shopping at Endsleigh and Chaplin's; b) watching Brigadoon for the first time, and c) Strictly Come Dancing. I think that (c) might be marginally more interesting than (a) because most people probably haven't heard of Endsleigh garden centre or Chaplin's of Plympton. But I am open to persuasion, if you want to hear about this year's top colours for Christmas trees or what sort of reindeer antlers we will all be wearing. Or, should you favour (b), my assessment of this forgotten musical staring Cyd Charisse and Gene Kelly. Now there was a pair who could dance, which segues nicely into:

Strictly Come Dancing.

Firstly, I don't understand why Lynda Bellingham, Claudia, Dinky Darren and Craig RH were indignant and spluttering about Lynda's exit from the show on Saturday night. Her time was up; she may not have come bottom but the public has its favourites and a feisty old girl was not likely to be one of them. She perambulated around the floor like an oven ready turkey in full sail, if I might mix my metaphors. The bloke she was dancing against in the dance-off is so boring that I can't remember his name. You know who I mean, what's-his-name from Coronation Street. He was rubbish too.

Meanwhile Joe Calzaghe heaves his carcass wearily around the floor like a beached whale and keeps coming bottom, but Wales seems to be keeping him in.

Chris Hollins had a brief flash of appeal but has lost it now that I know he still lives with his mum (he is 38 after all!).

I was appalled at the high marks and sickly comments garnered by a dull and and frankly boring Foxtrot by Anton and Laila, but clearly the show is backing Anton after his ridiculous comments and nothing was going to deter them. The only plus point was that Anton kept his mouth shut for once with Tess and didn't rabbit on in that inane way he has.

Jade's gyrations were somewhat unseemly I felt, and what's with the costumes this year? When you see some of the best dances from previous shows, you notice how gorgeous the dresses were, but this year they're either unpleasant colours or skimpy to the extreme.

There are four who can't do any wrong for me.

Phil Tufnell is looking like a winner, provided the public keep him out of the bottom two. I am growing very fond of Jo Wood, although she may not last much longer. Ricky Groves has proved to be the dark horse. I never really rated him in EastEnders when I used to watch it - he always seemed a drip. But he's so entertaining in SCD. We just love him! And the same goes for Natalie Cassidy. I love her energy and the way she threw herself into the salsa and did some risky gyrating on her own, full of confidence. Way to go girl!