Cup of tea and a sit down

I can't think of one single topic on which to expatiate, dear reader, but I need to warble about something or my ratings will plummet.

Here is one of my pot pourris where I share with you my profound thoughts as I make the tortuous journey to work.

Today I drove to our office in Winnersh Triangle ("makes people disappear") which should only take an hour or so on a good day, but of course there are those nasty M25 roadworks ("delays until 2012") to contend with. So plenty of time in which to ruminate, and wonder where all the equine horse feed lorries have gone.

1) Paul don't do it! I am gutted, as is my mother Giz, to learn that Paul O'Grady is rumoured to be leaving Channel 4 for Sky for a lucrative contract. Channel 4, the old skin flints, have apparently offered him 50% less. They are no doubt projecting a reduction in their coffers with the demise (thank God) of Big Brother. Please don't go Paul! Giz doesn't have Sky and neither of us like Graham Norton very much (rumoured to be leaving BBC for Channel 4, and Paul's teatime show).

On that matter, if the presenters are all playing musical chairs and Mr Norton is off to Channel 4, I would like to make an early bid at this point for Jonathan Ross to present the Eurovision Song Contest. He likes the show, would give it the sensitive yet ironic treatment it needs, and is the logical successor to Sir Terry Wogan.

2) I am always thrilled to find an author I like, and one that has a good back catalogue for me to discover. I chanced across "The Senator's Wife" by Sue Miller and am enjoying it greatly. It's beautifully written and from the point of view of an elderly woman which is refreshing, because as I'm increasingly finding, you may look more dilapidated on the outside but you're still the same inside.

3) Today's useless health advice: four out of 10 women get breast cancer because they are unfit with a poor diet. So the majority of women with breast cancer have a healthy diet? Wouldn't that be a warning NOT to have a healthy diet?

4) Finally I must share this little titbit (or tidbit if you're in the US). It's very rare that Curious Girl receives a compliment these days. I was buying diesel today when a man came up to me and said "I just wanted to let you know -" (and I was thinking glumly "flat tyre? Lights left on?") but no, he added - "you have a lovely figure." A great tonic indeed, particularly as J is always dropping hints about the "skinny birds" at his running club and how I would do well to join them. He was somewhat taken aback when I told him and blustered about lorry drivers needing glasses.

Assorted Ramblings and a Horse Feeds Sighting

My regular reader will know that I used to recount my twice or thrice weekly journeys to Swindon and how I amuse myself by a) looking for certain lorries and b) casting the biggest film of all time in alphabetical order, getting extra points for "forgotten" stars (Debra Winger - pictured - Theresa Russell, Sharon Maiden,) and old stars (Olympia Dukasis, Joan Collins etc) and of course aiming to get a good demographic across the age groups.

Set off on Monday, 5.50am, sunny start, felt quite cheerful. Then: a phone call near Slough. "You realise you've forgotten your laptop?" I'd actually sorted out everything I needed for work the night before and laid all the bags near the front door, but somehow I had forgotten that crucial bag.

So I had to turn round at Slough and come home, which meant going through the new M25roadworks again but on the wrong side ("delays until summer 2010." Thanks guys). And by now, at 8.45am, it was too late to set off again because it would take ages.

Yesterday, laptop went in car first, ahead of the all the other stuff - the coffee mug, blueberries, a card for a baby, magazines for the team, sports bag (it goes with me but doesn't necessarily get used).

And as I toodled through those accursed roadworks between junctions 18 and 19, I saw a rare sighting: a Baileys Equine Horse Feeds lorry. Horse nutrition in the bag. It's the same one each time and it traverses the same route as me - M25, M4. But lately I haven't seen it so assumed the driver had a new schedule. Oh joy, the old nags are getting their oats. All is well with the world!

My mind was pleasantly flitting around from one subject to the next:
1) Strawberries getting less popular? (News item). Not surprised if they measured it up to April. Those ghastly out-of-season apologies for strawberries. I don't know what all the fuss is about with strawberries. My berry of choice is the raspberry. Always delicious, even out-of-season. I'm obsessed with raspberries this year having discovered a particular type at Sainsbury's - Tulameen - which is to die for, with a dollop of Greek yoghurt.
2) Need to remember how to do that delegate thing with SAP before my holiday.
3) What will I have for dinner tonight?
4) Will I get to see Mary Queen of Charity Shops tonight or will J inflict Sharpe on me yet again? (The 2nd TV is out of action.)

All heavyweight intellectual stuff as you can see.

Journey passed uneventfully, 2 hours owing to earlier start time, 2.5 hours on the way home. No further sightings of Bailey's, Dentressangle or Wilkinson's. Didn't to see Mary, but Sean Bean wasn't the culprit. It was a dreadful film called "Fool's Gold" with Matthew McConnaughey who is the same in every picture. Avoid that one folks.

Strictly Come Dancing preview; thanks Southern Electric; the mystery of Rebel's Diner

Yippee Strictly Come Dancing is back tonight and the next few weeks leading up to Christmas are suddenly not quite so dark, oppressive and loaded with the spectre of Christmas.

The first show is a bit of a surprise because we haven't had Claudia's preview show to look at "the form" (although the form on the left is not bad, eh girls?). It's the men tonight, which is less interesting to me than the women next week, but, hey, who cares? It's back!

Everyone I meet keeps saying they can't understand why John Sergeant is doing it, so I'm hoping he's going to prove very nimble and at least go a couple of rounds. I would love to see Gary Rhodes fall flat on his face, particularly after he disappeared from training for two weeks but thought it was ok because "he knows how to dance".

I think the swimmer Mark Foster, pictured, will be very good - and nice to see an older man flying the stud muffin flag!

Thanks Southern Electric
Dear Southern Electric,
It was very nice of you to send us two energy saving light bulbs, and so thoughtfully in two different wattages. You also sent us a leaflet about how we could save money if we switched to you. But I'm just a little confused. You sent the package to "The Occupier" at our address, and I thought we knew each other better than that. You and I have been corresponding and exchanging large sums of money for over 10 years. So next time you write, how about you send it to me by name, and instead of the leaflet, maybe a card saying "a little thank you for all the cash?"

The Mystery of Rebel's Diner
I always know I'm nearly home when I leave the M25 at junction 26 and see the Rebel's Diner snack van in the layby with several articulated lorries jostling for space. It's as vital a part of my journey as the Dentressangle, Wilkinson and Bailey's Equine Horse Feeds lorries. But the diner has been conspicuous by its absence for several weeks. At first I thought they were taking a well earned holiday, but now it's mid September and still no snack van. Rebel Rebel wherefore art thou?

Post Easter flotsam and miscellaneous ramblings

An unusual development today: daylight as I left London for Swindon at 5.55am. Last time I went to Swindon, two weeks ago, it was still dark. And we haven't even done the daylight savings nonsense yet. (I still haven't changed the clock in my car from last time).

Today's miscellaneous thoughts:
1) No sightings of Baileys equine horse feeds ("horse nutritionn in the bag"), Wilkinson's or Norbert Dentressangle. In fact, I said to Anonymous this morning that I'm beginning to think they're avoiding me.
2) What shall I do about the back garden? How easy is it to find a gardener who can remove trees and shrubs? What happens if the one who tuns up is too old? I wonder how dahlias would fare. I used to think they were very vulgar but they seem to be back in fashion and I'm quite attracted by the idea. Maybe some fuschias too. I do love those. The Widow Twankey would look wonderful next to the Bishop of Canterbury (pictured).
3) What to do about the decorating? Since we had new radiators installed, the wallpaper is looking very torn and shabby in places. I am desperate to have the stairs, hallway, landing and main bedroom redecorated. J shows very little enthusiasm and has still not done the necessary measuring. Shall I ring Colin from down the road who did the exterior last year (but fell out with J in the process?).
4) The Jackie hits of the 70s album (which I was playing). Really very good: quite a few tracks you had completely forgotten, and I could do without "Billy don't be a hero," but at least they are all bona fide hits. Usually you buy a compilation, you get a few songs that defy the trades descriptions act.
5) Are there two bank holidays in August? I'm sure there were last year but J insists there are not.
6) Am I getting excited about the new series of The Apprentice? Possibly, although I have a few sore misgivings too. The formula is becoming quite tired. Why bother with all the MBAs and marketing experts in the first place, when Sir Alan only wants a tactical sales person / box shifter?

Happy Days

Drove to Swindon today (2 hours 15, M25 was a stinker between junctions 19 and 17) and mulled over large quantities of good news:
- Banana Republic opening first store in Europe in Regent Street on March 20th;
- lovely pink skies this morning over London (which in ye olde lore, means "shepherd's warning," but let's not concern ourselves too much with shepherds);
- Prince Albert of Monaco to get married in September. Fabulous! A Monagasque wedding. I can't wait to see Caroline (no doubt wearing Chanel) and Stephanie sitting as far apart as they can manage, plus whether or not Caroline's daughter will upstage them both.
And I hope we send the A team this time, Charles & Camilla. When Prince Rainier snuffed it, we only sent Prince Edward. It will be a visual feast! Of course Prince Albert, who is 50 tomorrow, can procrastinate no longer. Unless he produces an heir, an official heir, he will lose the crown under their rules & regs. That can't be a very appealing prospect for his South African girlfriend, knowing that he is marrying her under duress, but as an ex-swimmer her shoulders are certainly broad enough to shrug it off;
- my colleague Matthew is back from the US and has two magazines for me including the one I absolutely love, Somerset Memories.
Not all good news today. Didn't have a single sighting of Bailey's Horse Feeds, Wilkinson or Norbert Dentressangle lorries. I wonder what all the nags are going to do without their nose bags. As Norbert would say, "quelle horreur."

And I haven't bothered myself with Mr Darling's budget because let's face it, it's never going to be good news is it? I am a bit cross about the price of beer going up, not because I'm a beer drinker but because it may put pubs and breweries out of business. The price of hops is already escalating this year. I quite like the Conservatives' idea of putting a heavy tax on alcopops and strong cheap lagers, those bought mainly from supermarkets by kids. Bur I'm not sure they could enforce it.

Reverse Flotsam

More flotsam, today on a different journey: Plymouth to Swindon, having stayed with the old girl this weekend and taken Monday off. (For those of you who like traffic data: it took 2 hrs 45, no major incidents to report).

I didn't see any Baileys Horse Feeds lorries or indeed Wilkinson lorries, which I will now look out for. I like to spy Norbert Dentressangle too because I think it's just a superb name, like Perkins Lascelles in Plymouth. I thought that this opticians' business was run by a Mr Perkins Lascelles but it turns out to be two gentlemen. I collect great names: I am liking Benedict Cumberbatch too.

Anyway - to the matter in hand - Eurovision. I could not believe it when the foolish, feckless public voted for Wogan's wild card. I have sore misgivings, that's all I can say.

I can't even remember what he's called, but it's some bloke who was in The X Factor and he looks like someone's dad. I was convinced Michelle Gayle would win with her fine rendition of something that looked like The Goodies' Funky Chicken and had lyrics along the lines of "you make me oooh." Perfect Eurovision fodder. Now we've got someone's dad singing a proper song with a decent voice, and we have NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER, unless Eastern Europe decides that it's fed up with novelty numbers, singing turkies and so on, and wants a sensible ballad sung by someone's dad.

The spectre of "Nil Points" beckons.

While I'm here, I thought I would mention our superb Mother's Day lunch at the Corbyn Head Hotel in Torquay. It was top notch: perfect succulent rare beef for me (well done for the old girl), preceded by chicken liver pate and followed by a substantial bread and butter pudding. And Giz got a bunch of flowers on top of a free glass of sparkling white, so she was In Clover.

The daily flotsam

Men! Have you ever wondered what's going through your little lady's mind?

Well wonder no more, because I've decided to share with you my thoughts as I drove to Swindon this morning. This drive along the M25 and M4 ranges takes an average of 2.5 hours, depending on how many accidents there have been. Last Friday the return leg reached a new low of 3.5 hours owing to about three accidents on the M4. Sheesh, people are so careless. I see them in their cars fiddling with their Tom Toms and their phones. I could scream!

So here are the random thoughts:
- where is the Bailey's equine feeds lorry? Didn't see it last week either. "Horse nutrition in the bag."
- I wonder how much I would get if I took the voluntary separation package. Would it be enough to build a new conservatory? No, don't think about it, don't want to leave.
- what should I wear on Sunday (taking mum out for lunch). Perhaps I could take a pair of flat shoes so that we can walk round Cockington afterwards and see the daffodils. I can't lurch around on high heels all day.
- where has the muse gone? I haven't had the urge to be creative for several days now. Can you reach saturation point with scrapbooking where you don't want to see another brad, button or bloom as long as you live?
- won't bother reading the papers today if they're all obsessed with Prince Harry. He is sooooo boring. He joined the army so why are we surprised he's on the front line? What were the UK press and paps doing to miss the story (it was apparently broken by international press). Didn't they notice that Harry wasn't in London and falling out of nightclubs - for five weeks?! (Well actually they did but unusually for the UK press they were adhering to a blackout on the Harry news).
- our Eurovision chances look very bleak. The BBC seems to have handed the whole thing to an intern if you ask me.
- glad James won the Masterchef final. I tipped him to win from the very first time we saw him! But Emily will go far too.
- How about this as a great programme idea? "Masterchef meets The Restaurant." I'm convinced the finalists in Masterchef reached a much higher standard than those in The Restaurant (the male winner of The Restaurant was clueless about seasonality - so was hardly a food expert). It would make a good Christmas special. Have Raymond Blanc and the other judges blind tasting (so they aren't biased) and have James and Emily and The Restaurant winners competing against each other.
- hope I don't put on too much weight after this weekend....eating out twice today...going to my mum's....aaarghhh.

So there you have it. Illuminating, no?