96/365: Danger! Do not watch this film

I have seen a few dire films in my time. Stinkers which readily come to mind include Fool's Gold, with Matthew McConnaughey (anything with him is usually a stinker); Christine, a horror film about a car with a mind of its own and Withnail & I, which is a real divider. Some people love it, others can't get through more 30 minutes.

A new one to add to the list is Motherhood, starring Uma Thurman.

I'm spitting feathers that I actually bought it because we had no new films to watch at the weekend and there was nothing appealing on the Sky movie channels. But I was attracted to the words "hilarious comedy" plus the charms of the leading lady.

In a nutshell, Uma used to be a celebrated writer but then she became a mother and now her life is nothing but drudgery: screaming at strangers in shops, losing use of her car because her street is turned into a film set, not clearing up her dog's poop and not having enough time to write her blog. Somewhat incomprehensibly she does manage to find time to go clothes shopping, but by the end of the day, having had enough she just leaps in her car and drives off.

Imagine a film largely based on screaming and shouting with a few gratuitous cases of innuendo, and that's what you've got. It was like an endurance test to get to the end: J gave up but I gritted my teeth and stuck it out, and predictably there is a happy ending.

Which films would be on your "danger" list?

Assorted Ramblings and a Horse Feeds Sighting

My regular reader will know that I used to recount my twice or thrice weekly journeys to Swindon and how I amuse myself by a) looking for certain lorries and b) casting the biggest film of all time in alphabetical order, getting extra points for "forgotten" stars (Debra Winger - pictured - Theresa Russell, Sharon Maiden,) and old stars (Olympia Dukasis, Joan Collins etc) and of course aiming to get a good demographic across the age groups.

Set off on Monday, 5.50am, sunny start, felt quite cheerful. Then: a phone call near Slough. "You realise you've forgotten your laptop?" I'd actually sorted out everything I needed for work the night before and laid all the bags near the front door, but somehow I had forgotten that crucial bag.

So I had to turn round at Slough and come home, which meant going through the new M25roadworks again but on the wrong side ("delays until summer 2010." Thanks guys). And by now, at 8.45am, it was too late to set off again because it would take ages.

Yesterday, laptop went in car first, ahead of the all the other stuff - the coffee mug, blueberries, a card for a baby, magazines for the team, sports bag (it goes with me but doesn't necessarily get used).

And as I toodled through those accursed roadworks between junctions 18 and 19, I saw a rare sighting: a Baileys Equine Horse Feeds lorry. Horse nutrition in the bag. It's the same one each time and it traverses the same route as me - M25, M4. But lately I haven't seen it so assumed the driver had a new schedule. Oh joy, the old nags are getting their oats. All is well with the world!

My mind was pleasantly flitting around from one subject to the next:
1) Strawberries getting less popular? (News item). Not surprised if they measured it up to April. Those ghastly out-of-season apologies for strawberries. I don't know what all the fuss is about with strawberries. My berry of choice is the raspberry. Always delicious, even out-of-season. I'm obsessed with raspberries this year having discovered a particular type at Sainsbury's - Tulameen - which is to die for, with a dollop of Greek yoghurt.
2) Need to remember how to do that delegate thing with SAP before my holiday.
3) What will I have for dinner tonight?
4) Will I get to see Mary Queen of Charity Shops tonight or will J inflict Sharpe on me yet again? (The 2nd TV is out of action.)

All heavyweight intellectual stuff as you can see.

Journey passed uneventfully, 2 hours owing to earlier start time, 2.5 hours on the way home. No further sightings of Bailey's, Dentressangle or Wilkinson's. Didn't to see Mary, but Sean Bean wasn't the culprit. It was a dreadful film called "Fool's Gold" with Matthew McConnaughey who is the same in every picture. Avoid that one folks.