How could I get it so wrong?

(Slaps hand across forehead).
OK ok, so I fell for Kelly's "I'm rubbish at the Viennese Waltz" nonsense, and should have known better. It was a set up to make us feel sorry for her. She always was really good at it.
I'm talking Strictly Come Dancing of course. Another cliff hanger thanks to the public vote. I never would have expected to see Matt in the dance off: I thought the teenage girl vote was his (well, shared between him and Gethin).
So quite a shock to see him and Penny competing to stay. I knew it was a no-brainer that Penny would go. Her salsa was too frantic and needy. And she has less potential than Matt. I don't think he's had one bad dance, except arguably his first one.
Very disappointed to see Ian Waite go out at this stage. He's my favourite (so there, Brucie).
I did get one thing right, which was that John Barnes delivered a great salsa. I knew he would! I was disappointed by Letitia's (and her dress wasn't great again - the one she wore in the group dance was much better). But I think the best salsa of all was Alesha's.
I find the Viennese Waltz a real "zzzzzz" but my favourite couple, if I have to have one, was Camilla and Gethin's. He's coming on leaps and bounds each week and you can see him gaining in confidence. I thought theirs was very romantic, unlike Brendan and Kelly's which was posey and self centred as per usual.
What can I say about Kate? I really did think she would go this week, having shown a slight improvement last week (and therefore a dip in the public's need to drag her back for further humiliation). But her salsa was just the worst dance I think she's ever done. Freed from Anton's iron fists, as he normally drags her round the dancefloor, she went freestyle with laughable results. Next to her, Letitia looked like.....(insert your favourite lady dancer here).
When Bruce talks about "the public" I always immediately think of Kate's demographic: the staunch, fiercely loyal GMTV viewer. Who is this person? Whoever it is, she's in danger of dancing into the final at this rate!
Finally, a word as usual on "Dancing with the Stars." Jane Seymour went out this week. She didn't dance badly, in fact she scored three eights for her first dance and eights and nines for the second. But what she did do, shamelessly, was talk about how special the dance was for her special friendship with Johnny Cash and his wife. Cue video of JC with one of Jane's children. I'm afraid to say it was all too vomitworthy even for the Americans, and they gave Jane the boot.

The wonderful wiles of the voting public

Wasn't the Strictly Come Dancing results show terrific last night? I had already predicted Kate Garraway would be saved and expected Kenny Logan and John Barnes to be in the dance off. So I was amazed, nay gobsmacked, as was the rest of the nation, when it turned out to be Mrs Logan and Penny Lancaster.

I certainly didn't get indignant or angry at the result, so I'm bemused by the fact the BBC website went down as people tried to complain about Gaby and Penny being in the bottom two. It's only a game, folks! Besides, serves the show right for under- estimating the voting British public. Having sanctimoniously decided that the judges will decide which of the bottom two goes, therefore removing the public's right of veto (even though we're expected to spend at least 25 pence on the call), I thought it was very droll that the public still continues to wield the power.

And as readers will know, I couldn't stand Gaby anyway and it seems neither could the rest of you. I have to say, I felt she danced better than Penny last night (she still looked ungainly and wobbly to me), but I didn't want Ian Waite to go out so it was a good call all round.

And great that the EastEnder boy is starting to shine. I feared it was going to get boring if Alesha and Kelly continued to dominate each week.

Finally a word to UK Gold. Sack whoever is doing the editing. I've been recording "Dancing with the Stars" every Friday, keen to watch the progress of Jane Seymour, Mel B and Marie Osmond. Last week's show was very entertaining: Marie famously fainted and Jane's rumba was divine, yet she ended up in the bottom two. In the US show, the public still decide who goes. But the editing of the show! It's appalling. After Marie fainted, we went to an ad break; we returned to find her fully recovered and waiting for her result - and then the result wasn't shown, because they shot ahead to the next couple! And this happens throughout the show. Very poor. The results show is abysmal, it seems to go on for hours, and instead of having all the couples together and doing the elimination in one go, they do it two couples at a time.

It doesn't look as if Jane Seymour will be in for much longer, which will be a shame. I am simply amazed at how good she looks for 56. She has the figure of a girl half her age, and none of the lumps, bumps and back fat that blight the middle-aged, even the slim middle-aged. Hurrah for a true English rose!

It's back! Strictly Come Dancing!

The return of Strictly Come Dancing is one of the few reasons to feel good about autumn. My spirits soared as the familiar music rang out on Saturday, even though it was only a preview show. It's just fabulous. I love it!

Without having seen one step yet from the eager new intake of celebrities, I'm willing to take a gamble and give you my tips for the top. The horses I'm backing, if you will permit me to mix my metaphors, are: Brian Capron, Alesha Dixon, Penny Lancaster and Matt Di Angelo.

Capron is a more mature participant, but he looks in good shape, he's an actor and actors/actresses traditionally do well, and I can imagine he's going to be quite light on his feet.

Alesha Dixon danced a bit with Misteeq and she looks very energetic and bendy.

Penny Lancaster has been photographed dancing and showing off her endless legs in many tabloid pictures, and she will look stunning with the tall fair haired Ian Waite, so I think she'll go far provided she's got a bit of a competitive streak. I fear she may be too nice.

Matt Di Angelo seems very confident and I'm backing him for no other reason than that!

I personally think (and I may of course be proved wrong) that "Hollywood actress" Kelly Brook will be wooden in the vein of Carol Vordermann, and an early casualty.(Hollywood actress? She's appeared in a few flops, mostly with Billy Zane, that went straight to DVD).

Kate Garraway will probably be better than poor old Fiona, and I hope she does well because Anton Du Beke is so lovely and he's never won SCD.

I'm stifling a yawn over the prospect of the double husband and wife pairings of Kenny Logan and Ola Jordan, and Gaby Logan and James Jordan. The sports people are always a turn-off for me in SCD because they're so damned competitive.

As to my prediction of who will get knocked out first: I would say either Willie Thorne or John Barnes.

Oh - and I couldn't resist taking a peek at the new series of Dancing with the Stars, the US version of SCD, on, of all channels, UK Gold. It must surely be the only "new" programme they have, and sits uneasily amongst endless re-runs of Only Fools and Horses and Fawlty Towers.

I wanted to see Mel B from the Spice Girls and Jane Seymour, two English roses. Oh, and Marie Osmond.

Mel and Jane both performed superbly, a credit to the UK, and both looked amazing. Mel, you go girl - I hope Eddie Murphy and his latest fiancee were gutted to see you on such sparkling form. And Jane Seymour, at 56 - how does she do it? (Yes I know, Botox and fillers probably, but she still has the figure of a woman in her 20s and that's very hard to get, even with surgery). Marie Osmond was OK. She's a good example of how botox and fillers can make you look a bit odd (Kylie is fast heading in that direction: Danii went down that road a long while ago).

Check back for regular updates!!