Spot the Difference

We're determined to improve the back garden this year, now that we look out on it from the new conservatory. A number of improvements has been made already. Compare the before with the current "after" :

Before: April 2011. The border was cleared of Leylandii trees

After: March 2012. New fence; border dug and 2 fruit trees planted; edging replaced with sleepers. Patio extended. Garage repainted. Grass replaced with artificial lawn

On the right hand side of the garden we have also had a new fence put up and it has given us quite a lot more border to play with. John did the back breaking digging this weekend. Normally I put pots here but I'm going to get rid of a lot of them and in future plant the bulbs in the borders instead. In the summer I will plant annuals in the right border.

We're very pleased with the artificial grass, laid by Steve at Highfield Landscapes. It's come on a long way since "Astro Turf." You look at samples as if you're buying a carpet. The one we chose is called "Stately Manor." It will last for at least 10 years, and will still look green and lush after a few months of the hosepipe ban. My argument is that I am offsetting the ecological downside of artificial grass with a planting scheme aimed at encouraging butterflies and bees. I've ordered my plants and I'm now eagerly waiting their arrival. The garden is north facing so I have to be realistic about what's achievable. I'm getting some ferns, hostas and ornamental grasses and will grow some of my favourites, penstemons, campanulas, dahlias, Japanese anemones and plenty of cosmos and nicotiana. More photos to follow in a few months! 

March 2012: the "new" border 

Couch Critic: Kevin You Contagious Tinker!

Well dear reader, it's already been a month since my last film reviews! Since then we haven't seen too many new films owing to a falling out with Lovefilm (too many new films "unavailable for rental"). My mum, who's 80 in June, has probably seen more because she avails herself of Orange cut price tickets at the cinema on Wednesdays.

But I will give you my verdict on: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Contagion and We Need To Talk about Kevin.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

I'm a big fan of Gary Oldman (left). I've seen all his films, including some we'd rather forget about. He is a sublime actor but in recent years I was exasperated with some of his role choices. Finally the "big one" came along - Tinker Tailor - and he was Oscar nominated. But while I admired his restrained performance in Tinker Tailor, I couldn't help thinking the film is a bit of an Emperor's New Clothes. I suspect that some of those who say how wonderful it is are just trying to stand apart from the rest of us. I knew what to expect - a complex story and none of the usual sledgehammer clues and shooting you get in most modern spy thrillers. Nonetheless, I found it baffling and incomprehensible. I didn't know what was going on for the first hour, and although with spy thrillers like this you have to wait for the story to unfold, the clues were released with agonising slowness. I'm told it's better the second time but I don't think J and I will be rushing to replay it.

 
Contagion
Disaster films like this used to be all the rage --- Jaws, Towering Inferno, Earthquake, etc. Contagion shows what would happen in the case of a killer virus going global.  Of course this did happen back in the 1920s when Spanish flu, or sleeping sickness, killed 1% of the world's population.  Contagion follows the usual formula - a clutch of famous people and how their lives intersect. There are a couple of surprises in terms of who croaks early on. I loved the music, very atmospheric. Overall though the plot  (and music) promised a bit more tension than was actually delivered. It was all quite pedestrian. Next time I fly though I will feel like wearing a Michael Jackson style mask.

We Need to Talk About Kevin
It's probably a bad thing to say that I loved the book by Lionel Shriver because the subject matter is so grim. But it's a book you can never forget because it handles, very skilfully, two taboo subjects: what happens when a mother doesn't love her child? Is her lack of love and empathy the reason for the atrocities committed by Kevin? Or is it simply the action of someone who sociopathic and unlovable?

The film doesn't quite live up to the novel. Tilda Swinton is quite marvellous as Kevin's mother, managing with her facial expressions to say what most actors struggle to say with their voices. But the film tries to be too arts-housey. The three most powerful incidents in the book are completely underplayed, as if to avoid upsetting us, which dilutes the outcome. Disapppointing.  (Wouldn't it be great though to see a taut drama starring Tilda Swinton and Gary Oldman?).

Hyacinths to feed the soul

Hyacinths in our garden
Photo by John Hanlon

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one, and with the dole
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.

MOSLIH EDDIN (MUSLIH-UN-DIN) SAADI (SADI)

Engelbert: it's brilliant

When I first heard that elderly singer Engelbert Humperdinck was going to be our Eurovision entry this year, my reaction was shock and dismay.

I thought the BBC had really thrown in the towel.

But now I've come round to the idea. I have to agree with DJ Paul Gambaccini: it's so bonkers it's brilliant. Why not have an old geezer? This could be the novelty that wins it for Royaumes Unis after a 15 year drought. Winsome boy bands and girls in sequins and little else is so last year! Let's bring a bit of dignity back to proceedings.

A few years ago, when a documentary asked why the UK never gets any votes, it transpired that other countries resented the fact we used unknowns. As if the contest was unimportant  (perish the thought!). Well, they can't accuse us of that this time. Engelbert tells us he has sold 150m records, and has the world's biggest fan club with members all round the world. He has homes in LA, and...er..Leicester.

We have yet to see a current photo of the singer. He has disappeared off the face of the earth. I'm hoping he looks dapper and age appropriate: ie, not sporting black hair and weird hamster cheeks. He is 75, after all.

From Engelbert's point of view, it's a master stroke. Steve Wright played two of his records back-to-back yesterday, and he certainly has an admirable back catalogue. If he were to win, sales would go through the roof.  As we speak, he is hastily recording a new album and his management is apologising that he is cancelling his tour dates this month. But it's a rocky road ahead and his competition includes Jedward for Ireland. It's their second time, so there's a country that's clearly given up on Eurovision.

"Titanic" - the ship is not the only thing that's sinking

A new dramatisation of Titanic starts next month on ITV. Brought to us by no less than Julian Fellowes (Downton Abbey).

Reader, my heart sinks.

We already know the ending. So all Fellowes can do is mine a seam that has already been ruthlessly exploited before. He will create relationships and intrigue on the doomed vessel.

I can just imagine some of the treats in store. An inseparable pair of brothers in steerage, setting off to earn their fortunes in America. The twist? One of them is disabled in some way. Thus setting up a nice scene for the glug-glug-glug bit at the end.

A beautiful, sensitive young debutante whose mother has just died. Her cold, ruthless father is demanding she marry some rich old cove. On the ship she meets xxxx, no doubt charming, Irish and in steerage, where they will have many a knees-up.

There will be snooty old dowagers; a cad who's spent all his family's wealth; a bigamist doing a runner. And of course: the iceberg. Let's hope it's a lot more convincing than the computer generated creation in the Winslet film. I couldn't stand that film. Everything about it was wrong: the over-acting of Billy Zane, racing round craze-eyed; the tinny squeaks of Winslet  - "Jack come back!" - and the sight of her and Jack as ship's figureheads in the film's most copied scene.

Where are you on the Titanic saga?

Plans for the Garden

One of my favourite pastimes is listening to a podcast of Gardeners' Question Time while I make my regular journey from London to Swindon. My imagination goes into overdrive, mentally planting my new border. Yesterday the Parkers' catalogue came and I started making notes of the shrubs and perennials I would be buying.

The border (left) was cleared a few months ago, sleepers put round the edge and a couple of fruit trees planted. My plan is for a pink, white and purple colour scheme. I want to try to have all-year-round interest so there will be some shrubs, ornamental cream hostas, Japanese anemones and a honeysuckle on the fence. I'm going to plant a lot of my favourites: penstemons, salvias, cosmos (my mum sent me some seed from hers), dianthus and dahlias.

I'll soon be filling my "Monty Don" compost box and using my dream shed for all my potting up. I wish I had a "before" shot but these are the "afters". The shed now has a new roof, a cute half-timbered appearance and new shelves and staging. John put in strip lighting and hooks for all the tools.

Meanwhile spring is pushing winter out of the way. The bulbs in the front garden - hyacinths, tete-a-tete, tulips - are all out. The thorny old hedge has started to get its yellow mantle. And helleborus niger is having a bit of a moment (below).

Gym bunnies: Prepare to Splutter

When I was on a plane recently an advert in a US airline magazine caught my eye. It was for a piece of exercise equipment, priced at $14,000. The advert said that you only needed to use it for a few minutes a week. They offered a trial period and said they confident buyers would find it more effective than slogging away in the gym for hours.

I pondered on this and then parked it.

And then last night, Horizon "The Truth About Exercise" on BBC TV showed some new research and theory on exercise. It was mind boggling stuff.

For a start, 20% of the population will never benefit from exercise. It's their genetic bad luck. The journalist in the programme, Michael Mosley, (left) turned out to be just such a person. He is slim but has high levels of visceral fat, the "invisible" fat around our internal organs which can lead to conditions like diabetes. He was anxious to avoid the diabetes his father had, but like most of us, not too keen to exercise.

After eating a huge Scottish fried breakfast, the levels of fat in his blood shot up. But by walking for 90 minutes, briskly, the researchers showed that when he ate the same breakfast the next day, the walking activated an enzyme which reduced the amount of fat that he metabolized.

But 90 minutes of brisk walking is still tough if it's to be done daily. So the intepid Mosley had a go on a piece of equipment probably like the one I read about. He was told to cycle flat-out for three bursts of 20 seconds. And that was all that's needed, in a week. His glucose levels improved over time, although his cardio vascular levels didn't because his genetic make-up means he won't ever benefit from exercise.

Meanwhile the Mayo Clinic got him to wear some weird pants with electrodes that measured his normal activity during the day. As he was mostly sitting down at a desk, the result was not good. The next day he moved about more. Walked more often in the office. Used the stairs instead of the lift. And burnt an extra 500 calories without doing anything very strenuous.

Fascinating stuff. The main learning was that the blanket message of "start running or get in the gym" won't work for everyone. Exercise and diet needs to be very tailored. The gym industry obviously has a vested interest in making us want to exercise and buy shoes, equipment and gym memberships. We will hear a lot more about this new science. It's very exciting!

Gail's rest home for starving celebrities

Reading about the angst of poor Demi Moore, apparently wasting away from despair at the end of her marriage; dancing on tables in bars, much to the horror of daughter Rumer, and rumoured to be on the sauce, I wish I could invite her over for a few weeks of respite.

I had the same thought when Britney Spears was combusting a couple of years ago.

Get them out of La La Land and catapult them into reality.

My prescription would be: bracing walks in Epping Forest, with nothing more than a couple of ibruprofen and some embrocation afterwards; a good feast in the local Indian restaurant E4 (when did Demi last have real carbs?) and a good girly gossip session over a glass of sherry or cup of tea, where we can laugh over Ashton Kutcher's acting and find her some new beaus who would be more suitable. We could see a few of the sights in London, allowing Demi to see what normal women look like so she might feel better about herself. And more importantly, we could refocus Demi on her career and finding her a good meaty role. How about it Demi?

All the Fun of the Fair

An excellent documentary on BBC 4, "All the fun of the fair," reminded me how much I used to love going to the fair when I was a teen.

I was thrilled to find websites for both the fairs I remembered  - Anderton & Rowland's, and Whitelegg's. These were the famous fairs in Plymouth where I grew up. Anderton and Rowland's has been in business since 1854, and Whitelegg's since the 1920s.

Once or twice a year part of these fairs would visit what we called the cattle market, a tarmac'd area next to a playing field in Plympton. Word would sweep round school like wildfire, and we would all head to the fair in the evening. It usually had 2 rides - the dodgems and the octopus, (pictured), and a few refreshment and "win a soft toy" type sideshows. In those days we didn't have the big theme parks so a ride like the octopus was considered quite daring. I loved the screeching sound that signalled the start of a ride.

Meanwhile on the dodgems, you could go round any way you pleased and crash into people head-on, which you can't do now. The "fairground barkers" as my mum called them would thrillingly leap from car to car, taking money during the ride.

The fair in its entirety would also visit Plymouth Hoe in the summer. I loved what we called "the switchbacks"  and the waltzers, particularly if you had some big strong boys giving them an extra spin.

The only ride I couldn't bear was the big wheel. I went on it once and couldn't bear it. Even now, I found the London Eye too spooky and sat in the middle of the pod, afraid to get too near to the edge.

I've since been on rollercoasters and other rides at places like Disneyland and Chessington, but for all the terror and excitement, nothing comes close to the simple pleasure of the last ride of the evening on the octopus, or risking your teeth on a maggotty toffee apple.

Further reading

National Fairground Archive

Couch Critic

Welcome to the first of my monthly posts about films. We are keen film buffs and like to get our hands on the newest titles to watch at home. Finding films we can both watch is a challenge. I don't like shoot-em-ups, most costume dramas, anything with swords / round tables / Jedi / Bruce Willis and J doesn't like sub-titles, real-life dramas/ anything upsetting/ zombies or anything by Lars Von Trier.

Here's this month's top picks.

The Iron Lady
Meryl Streep is normally a bit hit and miss as far as I'm concerned but she hits the spot in this film about Margaret Thatcher, and her BAFTA was well deserved. The film however is a little less successful. I loathed Mrs T and everything she stood for, and in my opinion history will not be kind to her. There was a huge emphasis in the film on her frailty and wandering mind. Maybe it was supposed to counterbalance her ambition and aggression when she was PM, but even I felt it was a bit sad and unnecessary. With the exception of Sir Geoffrey Howe (Anthony Head) it was impossible to tell who any of the cabinet were. I kept wanting them to refer to each other by name. Jim Broadbent didn't make a very realistic Dennis either. He was.....Jim Broadbent. Score: Gail's Gherkins - 5 out of 10.

One Day
J and I watched this at the weekend and were left unimpressed. Based on the David Nicholls' book about a doomed "romance," the film-makers made the mistake of casting an American (to garner the big bucks in the US) as Em. Now when I read the book, Em struck me as being feisty, independent and eccentric in her dress. In the film, Ann Hathaway is first shown with big glasses - the usual device to make an actress look "plain" - and then occasionally in clumpy shoes. But she soon morphs as expected into Ann Hathaway, glossy and limpid eyed.  And her accent! Sometimes she had a go at a northern accent but mostly she sounded like a US actress putting on a posh British accent. At the point the film ended, I was astonished the two characters had even had the time of day for each other. I imagine the director thought the same, because we then had a succession of gooey scenes showing them laughing together and so on, as if to convince us they did have chemistry.
Gail's Gherkins: 4 out of 10.

The Big Year
I hadn't heard of this one or seen anything about it, but it's great fun. Three bird watchers (Owen Wilson, Steve Martin and Jack Black) compete with each other to get the highest number of bird sightings on their "big year." There's nothing new or striking about this film - it's just amiable and warm hearted. Gail's Gherkins: 8 out of 10

I Don't Know How She Does It
Sarah Jessica Parker is the successful career woman and hapless mum in this film based on the novel by Allison Pearson. It starts off with one of the best scenes from the book, Helen "distressing" a bought pie so she can pass it off as home-made at her daughter's school's cake sale. Unfortunately it was one of the highlights of the film. Pierce Brosnan seems uncomfortable in his role as would-be seducer, and I'm sure the film tones down the nature of the flirtation between him and Helen. It's all one-sided in the film, although in the novel I'm sure Helen was flirting back. Christina Hendricks is given a strange role in the film as an occasional narrator. Tepid. Gail's Gherkins: 5 out of 10

After the Waterfall
Air New Zealand offered an eclectric selection of films and I watched this film from New Zealand. It told of the break up of a family after a couple's daughter was abducted near a waterfall. Very bleak but beautifully observed. A pity we don't get to see more films from New Zealand. Gail's Gherkins: 8 out of 10

Friends with Benefits

We enjoyed this - a modern, realistic and contemporary portrayal of a young couple's attempt to be "friends with benefits." There was one snag for me, Justin Timberlake - I just don't find him believable as an actor, but the gorgeous Mila Kunis (left) outweighed that. There are a couple of laugh out loud moments. Gail's Gherkins: 7 out of 10

Treats in store for Queen's Diamond Jubilee

2012 is a great year to be a Londoner. So far all the hoopla has been around the Olympics, but I'm thinking the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations are going to steal a march on that event.

Yet most people don't have a clue what's lined up, or even realise we have two consecutive Bank Holidays (June 4 and 5). It'll be like the royal wedding weekend but this time with a massive flotilla of boats, lasers and the world's biggest cupcake.

On June 3 a flotilla of 1,000 boats carrying 30,000 flag waving members of the public will take to the Thames, with the Queen and Prince Philip in a stately barge. I'm proposing we go to Greenwich for a good view. Should be amazing!

The following day there's a concert outside Buckingham Palace which ends with the Queen raising a football sized "diamond" on a cushion which aims a laser beam down the Mall to light a national beacon of celebrations. There will be 60 at Hadrian's Wall alone. We have until March to enter the ballot to win a pair of tickets for the event (5,000 up for grabs.) The official website for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee is here.

I'm thinking languid summer days, picnic baskets and Champagne. Let's hope the weather plays ball. The way I look at it, two poor summers must mean we are entitled to a good one???

I'm Baaaack!

My reader (Fran) noticed that I haven't been blogging for a while. I've been a bit busy with a new role, it's true, but the main reason was, I had lost my mojo.

Couldn't think of anything to blog about.

While I was away, I was on my US concert tour (see photo) as support act to the Irish superstar Colin MacHale. Or rather, here we are, howling away at karaoke last week in Disneyland, Anaheim, CA. We were there for our annual sales & marketing conference.

It wasn't all Mickey Mouse and eggs Benedict, I can tell you. Breakfast at 6.30am and then in the arena for 7.30, with the finish around 9pm  (or 5am, depending on your demographic and liking for partying).

But a fantastic time was had by all, and we're all very excited about our company's future.

I'm writing a few posts while I'm on a roll, so pop by tomorrow for the low down on the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.

Celebrities and dirty laundry on Twitter: why?

My mum asked a question that stumped me. I was telling her about the spat that Christine Bleakley had with her footballer fiance's ex fiancee, and she said: "why do celebrities divulge so much in public on Twitter?"

Why indeed?

It may only have been a half-hearted argument, but Bleakley's response spoke volumes about how she and smug Frank Lampard regard Elen Rivas, the mother of his two daughters.

Apparently Elen had tweeted about her frustration when, on holiday in India over Christmas, she rang the Lampard abode to speak to her daughters, Frank and Christine having custody of them for the holiday period.

When she couldn't speak to them she then vented her frustration on Twitter, saying she would have expected "the girlfriend" to be a bit more understanding.

"The girlfriend" - former golden girl TV presenter Bleakley, who was recently sacked from Daybreak, responded with the ultimate in sanctimonious tweets - something about not debating in public "where children are involved."

But she then preceded to retweet several supportive and aghast messages from her friends. One of them said "is she up to her old tricks?" which suggested that Elen's behaviour has been a topic for discussion for Bleakley and her pals.

It the transpired, from the Bleakley camp, that Elen had rung in the middle of the night UK-time. The inference was she was too stupid to realise. Well, we can't all be members of Mensa  (smug Frank, the oxymoron "brainy footballer").

I personally felt myself sympathising for Elen. Not only did she have a lonely Christmas without her kids., she had to put up with retweets from the Bleakley Supporters' Club when a bit of dignity (or silence) might have been better.

Another grieving ex on holiday alone over Christmas was Demi Moore. Her marriage, and its demise, was lived on Twitter. The end of the Russell Brand / Katy Perry marriage was also played out on Twitter for our delectation.

I do wonder why. Aren't the paraparazzi and the hacked phones enough to keep a celebrity in the public eye, without having to wash their own dirty linen?

All I expect from a celebrity on Twitter are slices of wit or insight. Not boring tweets about the mundanities of life  (we do that ourselves) and not undignified rants or fallings out.

A Few Wee Predictions for 2012: A Baker's Dozen

It's as predictable as the papers and broadcasters running reviews of the year. Or magazines publishing detox diets on Jan 1 and bikini diets in May.  Yes, it's papers and broadcasters running their predictions for the New Year.

Here are mine:

1) The Olympics will take place in London (what? You didn't know?)

2) There will be a kerfuffle about: tickets / someone missing their race because of public transport /  the Danny Boyle opening ceremony divides the nation / why didn't we win more medals on home turf / did Boris make a fool of himself, and, last but not least, phew! A big success!

3) The Vulcan bomber returns to the flypast for the Queen's diamond jubilee  (Concorde would be even better)
4) Everyone gets fed up with reading / watching Charles Dickens
5) Jennifer Aniston splits up with Louis Theroux  (oops, wrong Theroux)
6) Kate and William announce baby news near the end of the year
7) Kate Moss parts company with latest husband
8) Spurs win the Premiership (COYS!)
9) UK bounces back with economic growth of a full 1% !!
10) John Galliano pops up somewhere with a high profile new job (well if Gerald Ronson can get a New year's Honour......)
And in the vein of (8), wild optimism outweighing likely reality:
11) UK wins the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST!!
12) David Bowie makes triumphant comeback  (yay!)
13) More baby news, this time for Mr and Mrs Panda of Edinburgh Zoo

David Bowie gift wrapped for you this Christmas

Apart from the scourge of Christmas songs we don't want to hear ("Stop the Cavalry" and "Mistletoe & Wine" in my case) this is a fantastic time of the year. The long holiday always feels well deserved after a hard year. So put your feet up, put a paper hat on your head and enjoy a big scooner of sherry.

My Christmas gift to you all is the remarkable footage found by a BBC cameraman of David Bowie and the Spiders from Mars in 1973 on Top of the Pops.

The BBC wiped all their tapes routinely, to save money. So much of the TOTPs archive was lost. Miraculously, a cameraman recorded this footage for himself, and recently found it in his attic. Marvel at how wonderful the band is. Playing live, with no backing tracks. Amazing. No wonder I lost my heart to Mr Bowie when I was just 11 after seeing his mesmerising performance of Starman on TOTPs.

Christmas Traditions: Part Two

Yesterday we looked at the origins of some of our Christmas traditions. Today we look at how our European neighbours celebrate. Christmas Eve is often the big day.

In Finland, Christmas Eve is the traditional time to set up the Christmas tree and it's also traditional to visit the sauna and for families to listen to a broadcast of the national 'Peace of Christmas' on the radio. Christmas Dinner generally consists of a main dish of boiled codfish that is snowy and fluffy in appearance, served with cream sauce and boiled potatoes.

Christmas in France is called Noel, from the phrase 'les bonnes nouvelles,' or 'the good news,' which refers to the gospel. On Christmas Eve, cathedrals and churches are beautifully lit and filled with the sounds of Christmas carols, ringing church bells and carillons. The tradition among children is to put their shoes by the fireplace for Pere Noel or le petit Jesus to fill them with gifts. In northern France, as I mentioned yesterday, St Nicholas brings presents on December 6.

Most French homes will have a Nativity scene on display during the season. In Southern France, some people will burn a log in their home from Christmas Eve until New Years Day, which comes out of a farming tradition of using the log for good luck in the coming harvest.

The French also make a traditional cake called the buche de Noel, or Christmas Log, shaped like a Yule log. It is part of a late supper called le reveillon held after Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve.

In Germany everything gets going on December 6. It's often the day when spiced cakes and cookies are baked - "Lebkuchen", and gifts and decorations made. Little dolls of fruit are traditional Christmas toys. Germans also make beautiful gingerbread houses.

December 6 is Nikolaustag, St. Claus day. A shoe or boot is left outside the door on Dec.5 and the next morning you find presents (if you were a good) or a rod (if you were bad). (Does anyone ever get given a rod?!).

The Christmas Eve dinner menu in Germany traditionally comprises of dishes such as suckling pig, white sausage, macaroni salad, "reisbrei" (a sweet cinnamon) and many regional dishes. Some people will feast on carp. The Christmas Eve is popularly called here as "Dickbauch" (meaning "fat stomach") because of the myth that those who do not eat well on Christmas Eve will be haunted by demons during the night. So everyone tries to stuff their belly to the fullest on this day.

The feasting continues on Christmas Day with a banquet being held on this day. Traditional Christmas dishes consist of plump roast goose, "Christstollen" (long bread loaves stuffed with nuts, raisins, citron and dried fruit), "Lebkuchen" (spice bars), marzipan, and "Dresden Stollen" ( a moist, heavy bread filled with fruit). And, strange but true: it's a German tradition to watch a short subtitled British film called "Dinner for Two." It's hardly known over here. But the Germans find it hilarious.



Here in the UK, it's traditional to go to church at midnight on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day, presents are opened around the tree either in the morning, or, if you're the royal family, at supper time. Lunch is roast turkey with all the trimmings followed by Christmas pudding with rum butter or clotted cream. Family games are played in the afternoon, or maybe a bracing walk taken. A few hours later the feasting resumes with cold turkey sandwiches, cheeses, pork pie, mince pies and trifle.

Christmas Traditions: Part One

Since I started this blog in 2006, I've written quite a few posts about Christmas. There was the one about my own family's traditions, the First World War Christmas Day football match, quite a few about Christmas TV and politicians' messages, but nothing, I noted, about the origins of Christmas. Why do we have Boxing Day? Why do we set fire to a Christmas pudding? Without further ado, here is the first in a two-part posting, the Curious round-up of why we do some of the things we do.

Setting fire to the Christmas pudding

Before Christianity and when we were all pagans, there were winter festivals around this time and the Festival of Fire was common. Our tradition of igniting the Christmas pudding hark back to those times.

Christmas stockings

According to legend, a kindly nobleman grew despondent over the death of his beloved wife and foolishly squandered his fortune. This left his three young daughters without dowries and thus facing a life of spinsterhood.

The generous St. Nicholas, hearing of the girls' plight, set forth to help. Wishing to remain anonymous, he rode his white horse by the nobleman's house and threw three small pouches of gold coins down the chimney where they were fortuitously captured by the stockings the young women had hung by the fireplace to dry. 
 
St Nicholas in the 4th century was the original "Santa Claus". Our image of the jovial white bearded gentleman in red is courtesy of Coca Cola and their ads in the 1930s. But the origin of Santa Claus began with Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, an area in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous man, particularly devoted to children. When I was in Poland recently, staff were being given gifts on December 6. In many European countries this is the day when St Nicholas delivers sweets and toys.

Christmas Cards

Sir Henry Cole is credited with creating the first real Christmas card. The first director of London's Victoria and Albert Museum, Sir Henry found himself too busy in the Christmas season of 1843 to compose individual Christmas greetings for his friends.

He commissioned artist John Calcott Horsley for the illustration. The card featured three panels, with the centre panel depicting a family enjoying Christmas festivities and the card was inscribed with the message "A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You."

Christmas Tree

The idea of a decorated tree in the home was started by the Romans many centuries ago for the festival of Saturnalia. Sometimes they put 12 candles on the tree, one for each month. Gradually the practise of decorating a tree with ornaments and lighted candles spread across Northern Europe and into Scandinavia. Austria is said to have had its first tree in 1816 when Princess Henrietta set one up in Vienna. In 1840 Princess Helena of Meckleburg brought the idea to Paris. In England it has always been a custom to decorate an evergreen garland called a ‘kissing bush’, but in 1841 Prince Albert, Consort to Queen Victoria, introduced a tree decorated with candles, tinsel, and ornaments as part of the Christmas celebrations at Windsor Castle. After that, the Christmas tree soon became an English tradition.

Boxing Day

This is a uniquely British one and we get a 2nd day off! Boxing Day takes its name from the ancient practice of opening boxes that contained money given to those who had given their service during the year. It was also the day when alms boxes, placed in churches on Christmas Day, were opened. The money was then given to the priest or used to help the poor and needy. Another name for Boxing Day used to be Offering Day.

The King or Queen's Message

The first Christmas Broadcast was delivered by George V in 1932 and since then has evolved into an important part of the Christmas Day celebrations for many in Britain and around the world.

Tomorrow: Learn about how our neighbours in Europe spend Christmas

Items of Desire #1: Monty Don's shed

It may seem a strange thing to lust after, but I am very covetous of TV gardener Monty Don's shed.
Looking at some of the gardening community sites, I'm not the only one  (although Monty himself usually comes into the lust equation there).

His shed is large and spacious, with his tools neatly hanging on hooks. He's got lighting and, the thing I most envy, a four sided box from which he scoops his compost mix for potting up (you can just see it, in the corner of his worktop, below).

A shed like that seemed a distant dream.

Our shed is a a weird structure that I called "the haunted house" because the door was so rotten a huge hole had developed and any passing fox (or worst) could kip down among the tools, paint cans, old coffee tables, bike and other mildewy items.  Unlike a normal shed, the previous owners built it on a concrete base and it's made of bricks with a flat corrugated plastic roof.

The roof began to bow under the weight of leaves from next door's leylandii. The shed was taking in more water than the Titanic.

But now the shed has had a face lift. We have had a new roof and the window frames and door replaced. It looks quite cute! Phase 2 will see a power supply (J has already installed a consumer unit in the garage) and the construction of a worktop and compost mixing box, just like Monty's. I've got an envelope full of seeds sent by my mum, and this spring I fully expect to be out there potting up. Happy times!

Who needs the BAFTAS or the Emmys? These are the awards to win.....

Ahead of the nationals and gossip mags with their "reviews of the year," here is my Yuletide celebration of the naff and the triumphant. Brace yourself for this year's Curious Girl awards!

The "enough already" award for over exposure
Pippa Middleton. Am I the only one who's fed up with hearing about the saintly bottom? And massive advances for her book about party tips. I blame the Middletons for spoiling children's parties by making parents feel guilty about not having the latest table decorations and the showiest party bags.

Most cynical use of media
I'm not sure who Kim Kardashian is: I believe she's a reality "star" in the US and her family all have names beginning with K. Predictably she married someone whose name began with K, got lots of wonga in the downmarket gossip mags and then split up with him. We haven't seen such a cynical use of the media since Jordan married Alex Reid.

Top Chap
Gareth Malone. What he does with dispirited communities and disenfranchised military wives has to be seen to be believed. He is a tonic for the nation! Let's all sing a song in his honour. I'd like Mr Malone to tackle care homes next. I heard about a women's choir in the north who go round care homes teaching the staff how to sing without embarrassment to the residents. Those with dementia often still remember songs long after they have lost all other memory.

Top Bird
Kate Middleton. I admit I wasn't won over until the wedding. I thought of her as "Waity Katie." But she has conducted herself immaculately since the wedding. Ignore the occasional carping about your eyeliner and "too long" hair. The harridans are just jealous!

Biggest disappointment of the year
Mary Portas at House of Fraser. She may have wanted to offer the over 50's better service and a better choice of fashion, but the clothes fell short of the mark. Some nasty fabrics and shapeless sacks. Mary's mistake was imaging that her peers are all willowy and tall like her. Gok Wan may be naff, but he understands how to flatter a woman's shape.

"It'll Never Last" award for the relationship doomed to failure
1) Elizabeth Hurley and Shane Warne
2) Jason Orange and Catherine Tate

"Time to keep Schtum" award, given to those who talk too much
1) Liz Jones, the sad, pitiable Daily Mail writer who cheerfully chronicles how she can't get on with anyone.
2) Esther Rantzen, who constantly writes about her loneliness. OK, she might be lonely, but she enjoys good health, she has family and she isn't short of a bob or two. "Count your blessings" springs to mind.

Slimeball of the Year Award
This one is always fiercely competitive. So many men to choose from! The loathsome misogynists Jeremy Clarkson or Rod Liddle. The slippery and self righteous Julian Assange.The shameful way that Ashton Kutcher humiliated Demi Moore. The low life John Terry, whose crime is that he doesn't even realise how awful his behaviour is. Quite a few senior clerics in the Catholic Church, frankly deserve this award for not dealing with child abuse which STILL happens. But this year it goes to Dominique Strauss Kahn, who thinks it's OK now to lament his fall from grace in terms which suggest we over exaggerated the vile predatory nature of the man. 

"Consign to the dustbin" award
The X Factor.  In its early stages the show cynically humiliates people  - those with learning difficulties, the obese, the tone deaf - chosen by the producers to "amuse" us, like a Victorian bear baiting tournament.  Then judges who are ill equipped to make any serious judgments on musical talent (except Louis Walsh) parade their outfits and ruin the dreams of many.

Rocket. This revolting leaf finds its way into salads the world over, ruining everything. An end to it!

The It Took Us Years To Get Bruce Forsyth Knighted, Now Let's Do It For.....
Robin Gibb. Now. The man deserves it!

Now dear reader, what about your awards? Who have I missed?

I am indebted to......

My old mucker Maddie Grigg has kindly given me a Lovely Blog award. Many thanks!
There are four rules associated with the award:
1) To thank the giver and link back to his or her site.

2. Provide five random facts that folks may not know about you.

3. Pass this award on to five other lovely blog sites and let them know you're awarding them.
4. Copy the award logo and paste it onto your own site.

Here are the random facts:

• I once had a letter from Iggy Pop. Yes seriously - the grandfather of punk told me all about his cat (!)
• I once did the Royal Marines Endurance Course at Lympstone. I was going to say "ran" but that would be stretching the truth. However, I did manage to finish it within the 30 minute time limit and my dad (a former Royal Marine) was very proud
• I only like one type of white wine, very oaky New World Chardonnay. Out of fashion, but there you go
• I am passionate about piccalilli (and wrote about it in a previous post)
• My specialist subjects, should I go on Mastermind, include the ballet dancer Nijinsky, the toe toed sloth, Imperial topaz and the books of Thomas Hardy

Now to share the love I am going to nominate Maggie May at Nuts in May, Lucy at Thoughts and Worries from the Wrong Side of the Hill,  Robyn at Joyful Follies, What's Happening at My House and Anne at The Frump Factor.

Coming soon at this blog: my celebrity awards of the year. Roll out the virtual red carpet as we celebrate the most boring couples, the year's worst slimeballs, the most uplifting achievements and the overall Best Chap and Top Bird.