Frock Horrors

Come on own up - one of the reasons we like seeing the red carpet parade at the Oscars is to see who blew it, in terms of their dress and hair! I always look forward to the Hello magazine Oscar coverage for this reason.

This year Sky were trumping their high definition coverage, but it turned out to be just a preview show with Fearne Cotton. Very disappointing. She's got the right combination of cheek and bubble but she would have benefitted from having a co-presenter so that when she finished an interview she could turn to someone and chat, instead of inanely looking at the camera and saying "she looked lovely." Patrick Kielty or Graham Norton would be great for this. Maybe we'd get some honest assessments of the frock horrors!

We didn't see all the stars in that prog, but here's my take on the ones we saw. Firstly, what's with that awful beige / nude / skintone colour? It doesn't suit anyone. Even Penelope Cruz looked washed out with a dress the same colour as her skin. She looks so much more vibrant in a colour like red.

Helen Mirren looked wonderful. Usually her dresses are a bit so-so. But this year she looked spectacular. Her figure was amazing for her age. And, good for her, she turned down the pre-Oscars Botox and fillers. Hurrah for a woman who looks great for her age (60) without that spooky, smooth, bland look (Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett).

Talking of Cate Blanchett, she looked very skinny in a gunmetal grey tight fitting number. JLO looked huge. I lose track of whether or not she's pregnant; it seems there's a new story every week, so perhaps she is and I've forgotten. If she isn't, she may have been eating too many pies. Jennifer Hudson looked pretty ghastly.

I remember seeing Rachel Weisz but I don't remember what she wore, so it must have been one of those beige numbers. You start to cry out for something emerald or fushsia.

Apart from those ladies, and a couple of others whose names escape me, we didn't see any of the other big stars. So I'll have to wait for Hello to see what Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Cameron Diaz, Charlize Theron, Kate Winslett and the other big hitters wore. Renee Zellweger always wears the same style of Caroline Herrera dress, so I don't consider her a contender. Last year's winner for me was Theron in that striking Dior black dress. And Salma Hayek, who was wearing a vivid colour and showcasing a spectacular bosom.

Not to mention our own VB. I'm sure she must have been lurking somewhere. In fact I saw a picture of her at the pre Oscars party, and she did look pretty good in white.